Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
