Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
