he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Farmville is her only friend.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
