Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
