Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
