Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
