don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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