You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
