My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
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