She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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