Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
