I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
