Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize