i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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