meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
