Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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