I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
