I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize