Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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