see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
