Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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