There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize