dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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