who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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