I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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