got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
