Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
