Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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