We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize