She said her name was "party"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
