Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize