Well apparently he's into motor boating.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
