Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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