pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
