Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
