You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
