So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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