So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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