if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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