I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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