If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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