My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just want nice things and good sex
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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