Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
