omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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