If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
