i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just tell him i said nine months
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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