just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
