who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
