somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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