i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
