So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
