I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
