So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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