I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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