woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No stitches, just platelets and will power
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
