I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
