I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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