don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize