the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
