I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
