guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
