I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
