i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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