Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We have started to decorate penises.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
