3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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