I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
