The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
