Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
