She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Randomize
