are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
