Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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