you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
