Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My liver is preforming stress tests.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
