so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
