Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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