she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize