Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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