On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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