This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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