I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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