Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
