I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
