I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
