the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The best revenge is premature balding
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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