don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
