i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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