I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
