At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
