Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
