He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
and you fell through a lawn chair
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
