ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
