my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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