Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
