To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize