Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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