Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Randomize
