dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize