I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
where are my eyebrows?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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