Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
