please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
