There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dick very happy bro
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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