I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
