sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
