he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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