why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
