Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
