is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
