I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
