So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
