If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
