I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
