He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
