why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
