Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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