it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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