There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize