Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
